Posts Tagged ‘ Ben ’

And the last song has been sung. I’m strong enough to turn the page, to close a chapter. A final silent farewell, gratitude mixed in w regret. Will miss you.

It’s time for me to walk away silently. It has gone on long enough. Lots of things have reminded me that I’ve really got to move on and to stop holding on to this friendship, when the other person doesn’t even try anymore. And I’m kind of feeling a bit awkward to say this… but I did fall for you for a little while, even though I knew you were batting for the same team. Thank goodness, I could still pull myself out, with the help of God, my friends who know about this, etc.

Not lying. I’ll miss you a hell lot, you’ve been there for one year, and you did what most people couldn’t do. You broke through all my walls in 2010, and in my darkest moments, you were there. You made me open up, and slowly to the people around me. In short, you kind of saved me when I was drowning. And I’m really grateful for that, I won’t forget what you did. :)

But everything’s different now, you will no longer be the one to save me. I’m going to be my own hero, and depend on God and myself for whatever. You won’t see this, but I’m just hoping that you’ve a good life, good friends, and don’t let people bring you down so easily, treat people more nicely like in the way you treated me. Treat your ex-bf that way please, he still can’t let go of you, he still can’t move on, he still loves you. Let him down easily.

Hopefully, closure for me please. This has gone on for far too long, I was in denial for the past few months. But now, I’m alr more than halfway to moving on though I still get reminded of you by so many little things. You’ve left a far too deep impact on my life. It won’t be easy, but God will help me. :)

And I will help myself.

Lying to myself tryin’a act like I don’t care
The way it’s killing me every time
That you’re not there

Coz I get weak
I’m giving it all away
I know it’s not wise to leave myself so open but
All the rules get broken in your eyes
I give it all up to you
And everything that’s been keeping me together
Brings me to my knees
I get weak

I get weak
And all the walls I’ve been building up
Crack and then break when you’re around
I get weak
Nothing I do to fight it matter now

Goodbye. Take care. I love you, bro.

2011
08/21
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Heart-to-heart; heartfelt; pure truth; unedited.
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Long overdue monthly post; November.

@8.30pm.

Hehe hiiiiiiiii :D LOL. Surprising huh >_> Considering all my emo posts below ;o but I finally finished remembering those stupid stuff! :x But then meh need to do more papers for chinese later. :)

In the midst of that stupid annoying frustrating process, my thoughts wouldn’t leave me alone. LOL. So I think I better do this, before my mood goes down again and well, it is long overdue anyway. Remember the monthly post thing? Didn’t do it for this month yet, ‘cuz of a lot of stuff. So here goes, I ish doing it now. :)

Firstly, thanking God. :) Even if the past week has been like hell. >< And well, totally down lol. But all this stuff aside, I really have to thank God lol :) For giving me everything, for protecting and making sure I’m still alive and well, for giving me the strength to hold on, despite it all. Was tempted to end everything and just leave. And for the amazing people who are there, to help, to care, and to make me cry. :x So yeah :)

To family, to my mum who although sometimes …, but yeah, she helps me with lots of stuff, makes me see sense and encourages me :) My dad, who’s there to clear up the mess with me :) And for encouraging and for the times of buying bubble tea and coffee etc and little things that cheer me up :) And my younger sis, who’s there to share everything and she always makes me smile at her funny antics, despite being annoying at times.

Also, thankyou Kath, Shak, and all the rest in that secret channel for helping :) And especially Kath. Thanks for being there for me and listening to me rant and to all my problems lol. :) <3

To MH chat peepz too :) I guess I’m fortunate to enter the chatroom on that fateful Christmas Day last year heh. :) Yup, really brought lots of joy and cheering up when I needed it. Like now hehe. :) Just to name a few, Sharma, aLtOr, lule, etc :)

To Ben, who puts up with my random ramblings and rants. :) Heh sorry too for rambling so much sometimes. And thanks for caring. :) You better not burn yourself out ah =.= Take care and stay strong. :D And jy for HCL ‘O’s! :)

To bffs, Peisze, Jess, Steph <3 Must go out soon ah. :D Bowling etc~ wheeeeeeee and kbox :) Thanks for listening sometimes too :)

To all the friends in my life and especially to the group of crazy ‘pure’ peepz in 4J, namely Xiaojun, Zijun, Shuqi :) Hehe.

Hmm I can’t really remember what else atm. :/ LOL.

OH to music too. Even playing for 20 mins on the piano keyboard makes me feel all better, even better than when listening to songs lol. And of course the guitar :) I only know like 4 notes -_- But strumming calms me down a lil’.

K think that’s almost all :)

1st Nov is actually my first anniversary of my Confirmation. Wasn’t easy. But I guess, that after Confirmation, it’s the beginning of the journey, not the end. Definitely not the end, as shown by this entire rollercoaster year. -.- Lol. But yes, I’m still here, living / surviving. I’ve no idea which (you can circle/choose one!) but the point is, I’m still holding on. Still alive. Still healthy. Still breathing. Still trying my best.

LOL omg. That sounded so …

And mmm a question to end this post, to reactivate fb or not? (P.S. I kind of really miss MH. A lot actually! Still have my dragon run to prepare for. Oops :x) And well, when to reactivate it too? Heh.

I feel better getting this out :) Even if it’s half as long as my normal monthly posts. :D Tradition, I guess. Ooh I spent half an hour on this post. -.-

Haha anw peace out :D

P.S. Comment!! (c’mon you know you want to :( even one comment will really make my night/day.) :)

Live on.

2010
11/08
CATEGORY
Heart-to-heart; heartfelt; pure truth; unedited.
Life's little miracles
Pictures; snapshots; moments of life.
Project Smile; :)
Tradition: Monthly posts (normally on the 1st day of each month.)
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Happiness; life ain’t perfect, but today has pretty much come darn close to it. :) Tuition; camwhoring; ice kacang; talks; ghosts and whatnot :D ♥

@10.03pm.

Hehe haiiiiiii ^^ :D

Must be surprising huh. :) ‘Cuz I rarely have such high and happy moments. :D So I’m abandoning my chinese RGS paper for now and typing this out :x Just hope I don’t crash down later again. :)

I made my subject combination choice alr. My own choice. :) And my parents are pretty okay with it. So everyone’s happy hehe. :D

Yupz. :) Couldn’t go with tuition peepz to get Ms Ho’s prezzie today. :( But yeah, I woke up around 9.30, so it was prolly too late to travel all the way to bukit batok. Need around 1 and a half hours to get there. :/

Wait, side note here: Yknow its kind of shocking that people actually read this >< :/ Damn. :( LOL.

K back to today. :) Today’s tuition was fun ^^ :D I’ll miss Ms Ho’s teachings. :( She’s a really really good and patient teacher and her lessons are uber fun and entertaining plus enriching. <3 Lol, and we received like uh… (let me go count…) OMG 19 papers o.o Woah. :o Didn’t know there were that many. >< Lalaaaaa JC is gotta be fun. :x Yup, but anw guess I’m glad to be staying on at bukit gombak then, and not be moving to jurong east heh. :) I’ve grown close to my tuition mates, although we don’t talk much. :)

Last day of school was awesome. :D Change of plans and a lil’ miscommunication but things turned out fine. Camwhored a lot ^^ Evidence from my profile pic and the dramatic increase of photos from 62 to almost a 100. HAHA. (Y) :D Credits to yenlin, her cam and her editing skills :) And to Peisze, Jess, Yenlin for being  there to camwhore and do stuff tgt. :)

Hehe ice kachang ftw :) <3 It makes me a happy girl. <: C:

Talks with someone over msn about subject combinations, results and all that stuff opened my mind more, I guess. :) Follow your heart, peepz, follow your heart. :) Thanks Ben. :]

And hehe oh one more thing, thanks for the game too LOL. The ghost game :D I KILLED 6 PEOPLE. :D LOL. :x :( In the game, I meant! And rather fun to see those peepz screaming their lungs out :o Oopsss. HAHA. I’m gotta play again laterrrrrrrrr. ADDICTED OMG >_> Provided that my parents don’t look at the lappy screen (lappy’s in the living room bleh.) :( DANGEROUS.

Hmm I think I need to do a post marking the end of junior high >< Forgot… ._. -thinks- Later bah. If I’ve time :x

Btw I think my fb dp is :D :D HAHA. FLYING / HOVERING (Y) And Jess and Peisze look so cute in their couple pic omg <3 <3 Love ttm. :D

Thanks Steph too :D For your words. :) <3 Jiayou for everything :D

Ooh 444 words! -.- K ending this now. :)

I’m still debating what cca to take -_- GG. :( I hate the short deadlines bleh.

Last but not least, thankyou God for everything. :) For helping everything to go smoothly and for giving me so many amazing people in my life. <3 Can’t ever live without ’em, me thinks. :D <3 ♥ Y’all really mean a lot to me. So jiayou and take care k. :]

Au revoir :D

2010
10/30
CATEGORY
Fun in the Sun!!!
Heart-to-heart; heartfelt; pure truth; unedited.
Life's little miracles
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Grateful; Everything’s over.

HAHAHAHA. EXAMS ARE OVER WHOO. AND I DON’T FEEL LIKE BLOGGING HAHA WTH. ._. SPAM LIKE CRAZY DURING EXAMS. AFTER EOYS, DON’T WANNA BLOG ALR. LATERRRRRR. :)

Yknow something.

I’ll just copy everything from what I tweeted on twitter here. Easier HAHA.

@8.13pm. (read from bottom to top btw haha.)

Incendiare_B
To everyone in my life, I guess. Those people who have been there always, through thick and thin, through the tears and smiles. <3 Love you all. :)
less than 5 seconds ago via web

Incendiare_B
To Sherly for your care when I cried after the math exam today, Zijun for the hug, Shuqi, Xiaojun, Mingwei for the consolations. :)
less than a minute ago via web

Incendiare_B
To Peisze, Jess, Steph for all the advice and being there and Ben too. :) Jiayou for EOYs k, Ben.
2 minutes ago via web

Incendiare_B
5700th tweet. :) To God, who gave me strength through this entire period, through the tears, through awesome people who encouraged me all the way & my family.
2 minutes ago via web

Haha yeah. That sums everything up. A post-eoy post later. Lots of stuff.

And yup, thanks to all of you. :) Can’t imagine living without everyone in my life hehe. Y’all GMH. :)

Life’s good, until the results. Going wild for 4 more days. ^^ Whoooo.

2010
10/08
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GMH.

@9.49pm.

I don’t know how you know the things you do. I don’t know why you still bother and care.

But as always, thank you for your words. And encouragement etc. :)

Sigh. It ain’t easy. But I hope I’ll make it through. Hope against hope.

You GMH. :]

I thank God for everything in my life, even the hard moments.

That’s all. K bye.

2010
09/20
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Pictures > Words.

I figured words would be redundant and pointless, especially since I’ve ranted too much in the past few posts. Weary. But things and people keep me going. Pictures too on tumblr.

Be strong. I'm tryin' to. It's the last lap. :) So Jiayou. :D

God is love. And often, love is all you need. :) So hold on. Keep holding on. God will make a way when there seems to be no way. :)

In life; you can either regret or rejoice. Likewise, in studies, you can either work hard or regret. :/

Life is a not a matter of milestones, but of moments. I live for these moments. They are the reasons for my existence; and the reasons why I'm still holding on. :)

Hehe last pic. :) 5000 words+ for this post. And yes, love keeps me going. And it should keep all of us going too. :)

Oh manzx. The captions look so pretty when I was typing up the post >: Sad face. :( I think the layout messed itself up when it’s posted. ._.

2010
09/19
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September.

@11pm.

As promised. I’ll post on the 1st day every month. ‘Cept maybe for next month; eoys ._.

I haven’t finished my work. Still have jianbao and LA etc etc, but I’ve to get this out. Don’t read it; if you don’t want to see emo stuff. It’s going to be rather emo >< On 2nd thought; probably mainly reflective.

Yea, threats again. Didn’t feel scared surprisingly; think I’ve gotten used to it. Not sure whether that’s a good or a bad thing.

I don’t know whether I will make sense. Or maybe I’m just in this kind of numb/nonchalant/weird mood right now. No idea but…

I think I’m not afraid to die.

Surprising thought for me; considering how I thought about death before; and was rather scared/afraid of death; and that I’ll miss everyone, and have lots of regrets and stuff.

Yknow when that thought popped into my head randomly around 3 mins ago, I was rather shocked @ myself lol.

I’m no longer afraid of death. Or maybe I’m no longer THAT afraid of death. Or dying and leaving this world and everything behind.

For goodness’ sake, I’m not feeling suicidal or anything. Don’t be like James on fb, telling me not to jump or sth. >< I’m not that dumb to give up life like that; though sometimes I admit it’s rather tempting. But I won’t. ==

‘Cuz there are still people I can’t seem to let go of. Family; bffs; friends; and friends that I’ve gotten really close to now. Yea, all of them. (:

So I won’t ever do that. -.-

Well, anyway, as I was saying, it just feels weird. Idk. o_O maybe I’ll wake up tmrw or look back after I wrote this post and wonder what the hell I was thinking and posting this post ’bout not afraid of death. ;O

I’ve no idea whether it’s good or bad… But I guess if I was to go now; I won’t be that scared. Because I know that I’ve kind of learnt lots from life, though it’s really hard at times. And made lots of friends… and know who my true friends were, etc.

But I think I may still have some regrets; and miss lots of people, of course. ):

I’ve a feeling that this is brought about by that msn convo on death/ending of the world etc etc with Ben. BEN, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, IS IT? o_o I’ve no idea, to be honest. o_O This thought just suddenly came; and I just had to write.  As usual. (:

Weird huh. Really weird. But whatever hehe. :D

Anw, this month is eventful, I guess. I don’t really want this year to end though, sad and pathetic and busy as it sounds, this year made me realise too much stuff and so many changes in this year, when I thought that there couldn’t be much changes this year. Life’s surprising huh. :X

Indeed.

Almost 500 words. Oops, haven’t posted such a long/reflective post in ages, I think. Heh. ><

And thankyou to all the people who have stuck by with me throughout. (: You don’t know how much certain people mean to me lol. They may never know too, but they are. (: If you are reading this; then I think you definitely are.

And thankyou so much, God. (:

Oops exceeded 500 words and I should really go continue my jianbao due tmrw now. Sucks manzxzx. ;(

Lets add 1000 words to the post, aye? (; Ohwait, I changed my mind. How about 3000 words? -grins- 8D And oh credits to tumblr for all these lovely pics. (: <3

And 15 mins to type this 600+ words post. And 5 mins for the uploading of pics ._.

Random but #nowplaying – Backstreet Boys – This Is Us. :D And I do feel much better after this post; hehe 想开一点点；看开一点点! And oh why the heck are my eyelids twitching like crazyyy. ==

Anw take care; au revoir :D

:D

/edit @2.40am.

I caught my 1st dragon :D And that kinda made my night/morning. (: -yawns-

2010
09/01
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August.♥

Hai. (: Tradition to do a start of the month post everytime, so here I am again.

I’m trying hard not to cry… Blame it on the song I’m listening .______.’ Haven’t listened to it for so long. Angels brought me here – Guy Sebastian (Y) Awesomest song ever <3

Sigh. The month of July… I guess it passed too fast, as all months do. Closer and closer to EOYs and closer to the end of junior high. Funny how time flies. I still can remember… when I was Year 1 and coming to DHS. College, then uni, then work. Sad thing is, I don’t wanna grow up so fast. :/

Oh wellz. What am I supposed to be talking about ._.’ Ah. About the month of July >< I can’t remember much tbh. >< It was just one week after one week of school and tests. :/ Owait, not really.

Thankyou God♥♥, for helping me through everything as always. (: I don’t have to elaborate.

Thankyou to 4J, to all those who helped me and comforted me when I was down (: And also shuqi, xiaojun, zijun, shihui for being an awesome bunch :D

Thankyou bffs <3 I don’t know what I’ll do without y’all :(
Dajie, Jess <3 and Erjie, Peisze :D ♥

Thankyou Mum, Dad, Annabel. ♥ Sigh, please help everything be okay soon.

Thankyou Ben, for keeping me somewhat sane o_o And for helping me with homework heh. :] x] Though I doubt you’ll see this but yup (:

Thankyou to whoever who invented bubble tea. AND KOI ♥ Lol. One of the simple pleasures in life these days.

Thankyou everyone who has helped me in one way or another (:

Thankyou Jer, Nic too (:

Thankyou to all those who treated me as an emotional trashcan too. (: I guess… it has kind of made me more patient? o.o Idk. LOL.

And thanks life too (Y) Though you were really really hard to get through at times, and I’ve lost count of the number of times I wanted to give up. Still. I guess I’ve.. mmm.

As I said before,

“Often the hardest times are the most memorable times. And the times where you realise who your true friends are and how strong you can be. And you’ll grow and learn from it. :) Learn how to be strong in the face of adversity. Realise which are the ones always by your side.” :D

Heh yeah. (: One more thing:

“Walls. Facades. Built around themselves. Not to let anyone know their secrets. But not everyone uses them to keep people out. Sometimes the purpose of building those walls may be just to find the one who’s willing to spend the time getting through them.”

Mmm. ^ xP It’s really true though…

Really looking forward to church tmrw. Finally. (:

And for August. 19 days after today -coughs- is -coughsomeone’sbirthdaycoughs- don’t forget (:

I didn’t say anything 8D *innocent angelic smile*

Hope August will be better and don’t pass so fast. EOYs are fast approaching and I’m definitely not ready for them.

ciaoooooo~ (:

P.S. After I edited and read it again o_o I realised that it’s 500+ words ;O Heh. And the most amt of tags in this post :X

@1 August 2010, 1.30AM.

2010
08/01
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Sleepy ramblings.

Hai. Too tired to talk. So I’m typing. Duh. So hi.

Lol. I’m making no sense O_O I just replied my mum’s question… and it came out in an unintelligible murmur or mutter or whatever o_o

Lalala. I love you, school.  I love you, homework.

Seriously. I just want one day to sleeeeeep. Too bad that’ll never happen. Mood finally crashing down. Heh expected it, but it’s not as bad as I expected, which is kind of good in a way. Sleeping soon. At least tmrw’s  a short day. 4 hours of lessons + recess. (Y) Don’t want homeworkkk.

Need to save $30 out of $47. Rather impossible feat, now that I’m thinking ’bout it. Heh maybe $25 would do.  Lets see.

Genotype is the genetic make-up of an organism while phenotype is the observable characteristics of an organism. Gene locus is the position of a gene on a chromosome. <——- Seriously. Do we need to know all of this? Are they all going to be used when they grow up in our daily activities? -.-‘

Ah whatever. Not making sense. It may not be true. But sometimes, certain stuff we learn in school ain’t going to used… or maybe they will. Who knows.

Lol. This post is titled ‘Ramblings’, ‘cuz I’m half trying to figure out homework and half rambling at different times. Will be posted up when I’m about to sleep.

OH post ’bout msn convo!!! Must remember if I’ve time.

12.46am.
Thankful to God for giving me strength to carry on♥ Through amazing ways and wonderful people. God’s great♥ :D

Thankful to bffs aka dajie and erjie, jess and peisze♥, twitter peepz, friends, random fb comments + statuses, Ben. Without all of you,  我早就崩溃了。Lol. Grazie :D

Heh I think I tmrw go school, then do bah. Now I’m like half unconscious already. Not even making sense of the questions. Packing bag~

Omg. Chem, physics, math, geog. TMRW HAVE CHEM. Get back atmosphere test. GG. ._.’

Ah whatever. What’s done is done… Even if I want to change it, I can’t change it already. Nananana, and oh if my angel reads this, thankyou so much for the spongebob pen! (: Love it ttm :D <3

o.o 12.59am. Lol. Ta-da 1am.

1.06am. Exhausted. Time to sleep. I think when I look back on this seemingly incoherent post tmrw, I’ll blush with shame and feel tempted to delete it or sth. But I won’t >< Heh sleepy ramblings.

ciao~ Night. (:

The lonely wolf howled into the darkness,
the silence of the night.
But unexpectedly, another heart-wrenching howl was its reply..
Coming from the direction of the moon and stars.

You’re not alone. No one ever is.

2010
07/22
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