Posts Tagged ‘ reflective ’

September.

@11pm.

As promised. I’ll post on the 1st day every month. ‘Cept maybe for next month; eoys ._.

I haven’t finished my work. Still have jianbao and LA etc etc, but I’ve to get this out. Don’t read it; if you don’t want to see emo stuff. It’s going to be rather emo >< On 2nd thought; probably mainly reflective.

Yea, threats again. Didn’t feel scared surprisingly; think I’ve gotten used to it. Not sure whether that’s a good or a bad thing.

I don’t know whether I will make sense. Or maybe I’m just in this kind of numb/nonchalant/weird mood right now. No idea but…

I think I’m not afraid to die.

Surprising thought for me; considering how I thought about death before; and was rather scared/afraid of death; and that I’ll miss everyone, and have lots of regrets and stuff.

Yknow when that thought popped into my head randomly around 3 mins ago, I was rather shocked @ myself lol.

I’m no longer afraid of death. Or maybe I’m no longer THAT afraid of death. Or dying and leaving this world and everything behind.

For goodness’ sake, I’m not feeling suicidal or anything. Don’t be like James on fb, telling me not to jump or sth. >< I’m not that dumb to give up life like that; though sometimes I admit it’s rather tempting. But I won’t. ==

‘Cuz there are still people I can’t seem to let go of. Family; bffs; friends; and friends that I’ve gotten really close to now. Yea, all of them. (:

So I won’t ever do that. -.-

Well, anyway, as I was saying, it just feels weird. Idk. o_O maybe I’ll wake up tmrw or look back after I wrote this post and wonder what the hell I was thinking and posting this post ’bout not afraid of death. ;O

I’ve no idea whether it’s good or bad… But I guess if I was to go now; I won’t be that scared. Because I know that I’ve kind of learnt lots from life, though it’s really hard at times. And made lots of friends… and know who my true friends were, etc.

But I think I may still have some regrets; and miss lots of people, of course. ):

I’ve a feeling that this is brought about by that msn convo on death/ending of the world etc etc with Ben. BEN, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, IS IT? o_o I’ve no idea, to be honest. o_O This thought just suddenly came; and I just had to write.  As usual. (:

Weird huh. Really weird. But whatever hehe. :D

Anw, this month is eventful, I guess. I don’t really want this year to end though, sad and pathetic and busy as it sounds, this year made me realise too much stuff and so many changes in this year, when I thought that there couldn’t be much changes this year. Life’s surprising huh. :X

Indeed.

Almost 500 words. Oops, haven’t posted such a long/reflective post in ages, I think. Heh. ><

And thankyou to all the people who have stuck by with me throughout. (: You don’t know how much certain people mean to me lol. They may never know too, but they are. (: If you are reading this; then I think you definitely are.

And thankyou so much, God. (:

Oops exceeded 500 words and I should really go continue my jianbao due tmrw now. Sucks manzxzx. ;(

Lets add 1000 words to the post, aye? (; Ohwait, I changed my mind. How about 3000 words? -grins- 8D And oh credits to tumblr for all these lovely pics. (: <3

And 15 mins to type this 600+ words post. And 5 mins for the uploading of pics ._.

Random but #nowplaying – Backstreet Boys – This Is Us. :D And I do feel much better after this post; hehe 想开一点点；看开一点点! And oh why the heck are my eyelids twitching like crazyyy. ==

Anw take care; au revoir :D

:D

/edit @2.40am.

I caught my 1st dragon :D And that kinda made my night/morning. (: -yawns-

2010
09/01
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Reflective;

LOL hai. Or rather mornin’ (: It’s 1.15am after all…

Yeah birthday post not done; not sure when it’ll be up or whether it’ll ever be up xP But I bet no one will care anw. :D

#nowplaying 周杰伦 – 听妈妈的话 <3 I love the chorus; hehe, being the only one up ftw~ Singing along with the chorus heh.

Amazingly, I’m not sleepy. But I’ll be a good girl and listen to someone -coughs- and go to sleep soon.

Anw, some thoughts hehe. I’m feeling rather creeped out. ;O My blog stats just shot up uh, yesterday or rather today too. 41 hits!? It used to only get max 10 hits per day… What the hell happened? o_o Mhmm. Just weird, I guess. LOL. 2.6k hits now.

Sigh. School again in 4 hours 40 mins~ Time’s ticking by, it’s getting closer; and I haven’t started anything yet. (Y)

Dear God, help me to focus and be able to start faster please ;O Start somewhere this weekend or sth. This week’s too busy ><

Thank God for small mercies though. (: Bio prac reduced to inheritance only.

Though math and chem still have a lot…

Not to mention geog, which I’ve no idea what Mr Lee’s talking about. ==

Life’s life. Next time when I look back, I guess I’ll miss school a lot. And all the friendships and craziness of school, though it seems hard now.

I hope things won’t change that much; and that lots of friendships will still remain intact. I’ll make sure they do, rest assured. xP Well, or at least I try my best… it can’t only be me trying all the time, it involves the other party too. x]

And I’m so glad for someone that has been making me smile these few days. :] It doesn’t matter if that person doesn’t know that I’m talking ’bout him or not. Just… Grazie. (:

And for bffs too. (:

Y’all mean the world to me. <3 :] Even if sometimes, I don’t mean as much to y’all.

Family stuff okay for now. ;o Everyone’s snoring in the room, deeply asleep hehe! :X

End of this post, I guess. Shorter nowadays, it means its good. (: Hehe.

Night! Or mornin’! (: Hehe, the kitten’s cute, aye? x]

Au revoir. :]

2010
08/23
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Hope & Love ♥♥♥

HIIIIIIII :D Haven’t posted in a long time :D Well, at least a proper post anyway :)

The title is inspired by Jessica’s wire design :D BE HONOURED ;P LOL.

Well, I’ve no idea how to describe the past few months of Year 4. It’s like a rollercoaster, sometimes you can be on one of your good/high times, but when you’re at the low times, you can feel really down and like there’s no hope left.

Others can help you, give you instructions on how to navigate, or even accompany you on your journey, but ultimately, you’ll be at the wheel, navigating the ship yourself, walking on your own path, sailing on your own voyage, making your own mark. But there’ll still be God, standing by your side, giving you strength. ♥

Came out with this yesterday, I think. ♥ Epiphany moments :D But not so, when they tell me things I don’t really want to let go of. But think ’bout it. Friends can be at our side, accompany us throughout our lives, parents and teachers and siblings can be there to guide and help us. But sometimes, they won’t be there all the time. And we’ve just to depend on ourselves then. We are the ones that are navigating our own ship, our own life. And don’t allow people to make decisions for you, ‘cuz ultimately, you are the one who has to live with the decision, not them. (: God will always guide us though, so we can always turn to Him for help :D And He takes care of everything, and will always be with us, through both good and bad times. ;D

I’m going to illustrate something that happened to me 4 years ago ;P LOL. Well, certain people may have heard it a dozen times HAHA :X But I’m still going to type it anyway (:

I wasn’t supposed to come into DHS, much less study in DHS LOL. Was supposed to go into AHS. Sometimes, I wonder how my life would be, if I went to AHS instead of DHS. But nah, I’m already in DHS now, so no use thinking ’bout that :D My mum wanted me to appeal in, I didn’t really want to. Mind you, I wasn’t really keen on going DHS at that time :X

I was already in AHS. Bought all my books and uniform. 7 former classmates there, though not close friends. Was already going for the orientation camp before the starting of school, and it was the first day. And suddenly when I saw my bff and her mum and my mum at AHS, when I was supposed to be at camp, I was just speechless LOL. My mum and I had discussed about: DHS vs AHS, and needless to say, it didn’t go too well. And I was terrified of going to DHS at that time lol. Had not much friends there, or actually basically none at first. (There are only 3, including me, in dhs now LOL. ;P) Yup, was really shocked. But the night before, I did pray to God, to guide me to whichever school I was to go. If DHS didn’t accept me, so be it. But if DHS really accepted me, I’d just go then. :D But deep down, I was still rooting for AHS LOL, since I didn’t know DHS that well :X

Lol, and it turned out that the decision wasn’t up to me at all. God did everything and yeah, so that’s why I’m in DHS now. I’m glad to have come here though 8) If it wasn’t for coming here, I wouldn’t have met so many awesome friends and bffs <3 And be taught by so many good teachers. At the risk of sounding cliché, if I didn't come here, I won't be the person I am today. I've learnt many things in DHS, become wiser (That makes me sound old LOL :X) anddd experienced so many new experiences, if that makes any sense :D

Ooh this is a long post indeed ;D Yup, but just reflecting about how I came here, etc. It's the last year of junior high though, and the feeling is kinda mixed in a way. Don't really want this year to end :( Sigh.

Anyway have to sleep now :D
Night/morning all! (: (12:46am here)
ciaoooooooooooo~
– Isabel :D ♥

2010
04/02
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Life. :)

HIIIIIII :D I just realised I haven’t posted a proper post in months. Actually weeks. Well, got tired of the last post staring at me and yeah I just felt I had to post today :D

Anyway, have to rush this post in 15 mins >< Got to go soonnnnnn .___. But will be back around 10+ ;P

Okay, I thought about part of this post while I was in church. So here goes that part:
I was reading my past messages, drafts and whatnot about ramblings about life last year and this year, etc. And this suddenly struck me, when I was waiting for mass to start. ;D

When I look back next time, will I ever think about how I don't give some things my all sometimes, and live my life as a better person?

When I start working, will I start to miss school, all the crazy homework loads and tests, compared to working assignments and deadlines? I think I will miss it actually. I'll miss the crazy times with my class, getting high with my bffs and friends <3 I will miss laughing with them, eating fish and chips + drinking grape juice with nata in the canteen <3 Will miss obsessing over little things and over trivial stuff ;d

And one major thought here: Will I still use facebook? Play mousehunt and chat happily with the mh chat peeps? Or talk with altor and crypt in my channel?

Everything may change. But I hope that the child in me, the innocence, and the ability to be thankful for everything, won't ever change. I'll try my best to LIVE everday, be thankful, and keep in contact with all my friends in chat and RL :D

DONE ;d And I’ve to go now sadly. Will edit this post later. I’ve lots moreeeeeee to say!!!

ciaooooooooooo~ (for now)

/edit @ 1:21AM

LOL. Just saw a baby ant just now, across my computer screen. Sigh. :/ Listening to Vanilla Twilight by Owl City♥ Sometimes, I think I overthink too much. Ah wellll, it’s true. ;P Mmm. Maybe I should just worry about today. (Matthew 6:34- Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.) :D Yeah, I shall try my best to do that :)

Well, haven’t said all my stuff to be thankful for so long, that I’ve forgotten which day it is :/ *checks back* Today is Day 5, though it’s supposed to be further :/ LOL.

Okayyy here goes: Thankful for everyone :D That have helped me and comforted/encouraged/taught me so far. :d Or just talking. It does help. :)

Actually I do wonder what I’m going to be in the future. I still have no idea what I want to be. Sad huh? :/ From kindergarten to secondary 1, I’ve always wanted to be a teacher. But it suddenly changed one day. Now I’m unsure lol. ;d Shan’t worry too much. Sometimes, I have many things unsaid, deep down inside. It’s hard but I’m already used to it. :X Not too good though, to bottle everything up. ;d So writing is an outlet for me actually. :D (Side note: If My Heart was A house♥)

LOL. I just realised I found something random. My history empathy poem project, with PeiSze, Dawn Eileen, in Secondary 2. Though I wrote the whole poem :O But then they did present it brilliantly :D And we scored 16/20 for that. ;P First success of a poem, especially for history :D

It was from the POV of an Australian POW though. Sigh .____. The Death March to be precise.

Here’s my poem, presenting:

THE DEATH MARCH
From the point of view of William Fancourt Giffard Armit, an Australian prisoner of war

Freedom seemed surreal,
out of reach —- no hope.
Terrified with what we would face,
seized with a longing for death,
to set us free from this cruel reality.

We listened to empty promises,
looked forward to a land of milk and honey,
a place of freedom, of equality.
a journey to an unknown place,
a chance to start anew.

Harsh conditions awaited us,
greeted by brutality, graves and gloom,
terrified and distraught, we marched on,
yet a tiny sliver of hope remained,
little did we realise,
our requisite stretch in hell had just begun.

Our comrades were collapsing by the day,
the atmosphere filled with the stench of death,
wondered how long our fortune would last,
before we join them in heaven soon.

Day passed excruciatingly slow,
night could not come fast enough,
oil lamps kept burning round the clock,
tedious labour, exhausting work.

Overcrowded, diseased, far from civilisation,
laden, fevered, starved,
we yearned for fresh air, our loved ones,
barely clothed, tortured and beaten,
our bodies broken beyond belief,
our will to live was shattered by our grief.

Growing weaker by the minute,
closer to freedom day by day,
holding on to the last remnants of sanity,
allow it to slowly slip away.
Rest for a while,
Let go. Relief at last. I fell.
Closed my eyes and knew no more.

-END-

When I look back sometimes, I’m surprised at the way I write or at the fact that I can write such a thing. So looking back at all my past posts and writings, they are really thought-provoking for me, and remind me that nothing is impossible. :D

Volere è potere. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

Que Sera, Sera. Whatever will be, will be. Time to accept life as it is. :)

1:40 AM now :O HAHA. Ciaoooooooooo~ :D

P.S. From See your Daily Advice app on Facebook: take time to think and be thankful. :D I JUST REALISED THIS IS AN ULTRA LONG POST OMG!! ALMOST BEAT THE thankful for 2009 post. LOL. This is almost a thousand words \m/ to compensate for the lack of posts, I guess :D

2010
02/20
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Love.

On some days, you feel bright and cheery, ready to take on the world and whatever happens.

On some days, you feel down, and can’t help but delve in the memories, that now seem so far away.

The happy moments, that bring a smile to your face, unconsciously, as you reminisce.

The sad ones, which can’t help but make you cry, and twist your insides.

The painful ones, which either make you feel guilty about how it’s too late to change everything and make you wish you can turn back the clock.
Or
Make you feel so depressed and down, that you wish you can curl up into a ball on your bed, and erase everything.

The memorable, unforgettable moments, that are engraved into your mind,
the moments that you will never ever forget, in your entire life.

But memories are only in the past,
no matter how hard you think about it,
no matter how much you want to go back.

You can’t.

Things change, people change, everything inevitably changes.

But there’s always one constant in your life, no matter what happens. And it will bring you through everything you do.

That constant is love.

Love never changes. No matter whether you’re the giver, or the recipient :]

1 Corinthians 13:1-8a and 13

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails….And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

P.S. Something brought this on. And out of me. Haha :D I don’t really know what sparked this off either. Okay, maybe I know. Anyway, just some thoughts as usual. Lol -reflective mode-

2009
12/09
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“When reality sinks in.”

“When reality sinks in. Though all you wanna do is to remain submerged in that little bubble of oblivion, innocence, joy.”

Time to return to the real world soon. 21 days more, in fact. 3 weeks :(

Sighhhh. Don’t ask me why I’m talking ’bout this. Maybe I’m just feeling exceedingly tired, and I often go into my rambling mode when I’m tired. Like now HAHA.

Sheesh :/ I don’t feel like sleeping though .___. Saddd. So many things weighing on my mind, but there’s nothing I can do.

I don’t know why I’m still missing you a lot, even though you probably forgot about me. A long time ago.

2009
12/09
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Don’t come too near.

HIII :D LOL. I’m boreddddd :(

Fictionpress fics are getting boring, no offence :( Yknow why? ‘Cuz I look through people’s favs, hoping that there are interesting new fics to read. But it seems like I’ve read ALL of them. Sad huh? .___.

Oh welllll. Shall look for new ones later :D OOH. I just realised something. I haven’t watched Shane Dawson’s new vid LOL! He always posts up a new one every sat. And I’ve got to eat lunch. But wellll. BRB :D (I didn’t say I had a very long attention span right, right? :D)

Oops. I went to eat lunch first heh ^^ HAHA. Just watched finish Shane Dawson’s recent vid LOL :) Love his vids (L). Though some of them are quite sickkkkk but yeah :)

{Side note: -AHEM- I’m not sick in that way. But well, take this quote from my comment ;D “Love how every video (or almost anyway) has something to learn from. I mean life values! LOL :D “}

Yeapyeap :D That’s whyyyy. One of his last sat vids made me cry .___. UGH. It just struck a chord in my heart about how true it was. (L) Anyway, going to post the link, I guess. (Don’t be fooled by the title. Or if you don’t dare, just don’t watch please. Ty ;D)

Shane Dawson’s video, 14 Nov :D

DONEEEEE :D LOL. Mousehunting now. I’ve a really good log at the GGT. I (L) it :D Saving up for the Venus Mouse Trap ;D 300k .___.

Oh well. After you watch the vid, in case you don’t get the moral or LESSON. (Partially quoted, partially from my view) It’s this: Be proud of yourself. You’ve only got one chance to live :D And you don’t have to do anything or prove anything, to make people like you, or just to suit other people’s wishes. Just be yourself. Do your own thing. Set a new trend. Follow what you think and not what others think :D (Bold is the words in the vid, the italic part is mine ;D)

If only I can follow my own advice. I’ll try to :)

peace out! :D
ciaooooooooooooo~

2009
11/15
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Realise.

Hehe :D I’m at homeeeeee now! Am supposed to be researching for Financial Lit, do math hw and start revising. Oh well (:

Haha, anw ate a currypuff and springrollll when I got home LOL! An hour ago? 8) Lalaaaaa, chem test on wed, physics on thurs and bio on fri. At least it’s on different days though.

Geog was disappointing ._. Sigh. Nvm, I still think it’s okay though it was below average -____-

Hmm. Yknow, when I was bathing, a thought struck me. (LOL, random I know, but sometimes I think about stuff when I bathe. It’s easier and well, soothing?)

~Advertisement song starts playing~ Side note: Haha, my mum went to church. (: And my dad gave me and my sister icecreammmmmmm <3 Yum yum yum! :D Hehe. 8) Chocolate, Vanilla and Strawberryyy. Only a bit though ._.

I realised that being naive and unknowing makes a person braver and willing to face things that seem daunting and fearful.

Isn’t it true? I look back at the times when I’m in kindergarten. I wasn’t afraid of anything, I think LOL. Grabbing my best friends’ hands and jumping up and down on stage just before the performance. With makeup on. In my Kinderland Uniform LOL. Coz I was studying in Hougang Kinderland last time.

Can’t believe it. I still remember the names of my best friends in kindergarten. Wonder how they are now. Seraphina, my bestie LOL. Nathan. Klarice. Bryan. I remember last time I had a crush on Jovan, one of the guys in my class. Ahahah. The good old fun innocent times. Sigh, wonder where they are and how they have changed now. Lost contact ages ago :( I remember Nathan stays near me, like just one bus-stop away. But does he still live there now?

Oh my gosh. Haha, getting too carried away in the memories. And I remember year 1 vividly. Yueqi was afraid coz she had to find the discipline master, Mr Teo. LOL. I still can’t believe I had the guts and courage to do that as I think about it now. I just walked up to the staff room, pressed the intercom, talked to Mr Teo, and told him and asked him to come out. (-faints-) HAHA. And then, Yueqi forgot to tell him one more thing. And I pressed the intercom and called him again LOL! It was at the Mount Sinai Campus. Two years ago.

Side note again LOL: oh nozz. my icecream melted into soup. LMAO.

See? “初生之犊不怕虎”. Though this is meant in a negative sense. I’m talking about the one in the positive sense one though. It’s true haha. I’ve lots and loads of examples I want to write. But this post will get too long and wordy. I always get carried away when reminiscencing LOL. (O_O 454 words alr!)

Anw yeah. I realised this today. In the shower. Which is so so so random. Ahahah.

Comment please? (: Air your thoughts on the matter too! :D

ciaooooooooooooo~

2009
09/14
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Life as it is.

Hmm, have been thinking a lot lately. And hopped to a person’s wordpress from a link to one of my posts (since one of her posts is almost the same topic as mine)

Go read if you have time [: She’s a real amazing writer and I feel really lucky to have found her blog. She expresses some of the things I’m feeling now perfectly Lol :D

Anw’s here’s the link!
Melissa’s wordpress

Yeap. Now I’m at page 5 of her wordpress still, reading this post.

Now some of my thoughts and realisations. Although it may be really hard to do that sometimes.

Okayy. Haha, shall start with my pm on msn first :D It’s true, at least for me.
Here: Life is letting go but it’s hard. {Becoming attached to people is bad, trust me. ‘Coz people change & things change.}

Hmm. Life is about letting go. Okay, maybe the second part may make not much sense coz I was in a kind of frustrated and jealous mood just now :O

Anw, yeah. People go in and out of your lives easily. Time passes so quickly, even as I’m typing this. And people change. Some others may disagree with me on this, but it’s true. There are always either changes in everyone, no matter how minor or major. And that includes me.

Being attached to people. Hmm, now this is a problem. Lol, sometimes I get attached to people who I find, is easy to relate to. Sometimes, it’s hard when one’s drifting away from another person slowly. It’s like an invisible light bond between two people. And it depends on whether that bond is strong or relatively weak.

If it’s strong, it will stand the test of time and no matter what happens, that person will always be with you. If it’s weak, any obstacle or another person could easily saw at the bond and break it down gradually.

Sigh. Now that’s the problem, actually with weak bonds. Becoming attached. And sometimes, it does hurt a lot when you drift away from someone.

This post may be a bit confusing since I’m not exactly sure how to express this into words. Yeap, shall give you an analogy ;) For e.g., Person A, B and C.

A and B become friends and grow closer. They talk sometimes, and have quite a close connection over time. However, C, which can be friends with A longer than B, or perhaps knew A longer and better, just suddenly steps in and starts taking control of A.

And then B is left alone, with the connection slowly weakening. B can’t help but feel hurt and a little jealous but there’s nothing the latter can do.

Yeapyeap. Haha, this is NOT an emo post. It’s just some thoughts yeah. And may not be in real life situations.

After I read the post that Melissa wrote (link above), I started thinking differently. What if it was for the other person’s good? Yes, life is about letting go. And sometimes, you have to let go of the people you are attached to, not because you don’t like or want them anymore, but just because it’s for their own good? To test the relationship between people? Or to see if they care enough about you to continue caring?

But it’s hard. Yes, it is, but then if one has a perspective on life and situations in a different light, life may be different.

Haha, longest post I’ve ever written gosh! Almost 600 words :D

Anw, leave your thoughts and comments please! 8) I’ll love to hear them.

ciaooooooooooooooo~

2009
08/29
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Don’t judge.

HIIIIIIIII :D

HAHA. I know I’m not supposed to be posting now but wdv! :D Supposed to be doing math assgt oops O:

Sigh. Short post this time still. Feeling a little bit unwell :(

-start of thoughts-

Yeah, anw, I really think we shouldn’t judge others. No matter how bad, unkind, sarcastic, or how the person seems on the outside, there’s always a reason for it. It may be just a facade to hide what is underneath. To bury the hurt deep down. To put on a brave front. To want to appear strong in front of others. To try to recover from the pain from the past experiences. To heal from the betrayal of trust. To do your best to start anew.

The list is endless.

Deep down, everyone has a vulnerable side. Really. It’s just sometimes, others don’t understand what that particular person is going through, or just assume stuff and judge impulsively or just… It’s sad, sometimes, but true. You won’t ever understand anyone unless you stand in that person’s shoes one day and view all that person’s experiences, joy, sadness, pain, angst from his/ her own perspective.

So, please don’t judge. It’s hard, ’cause everyone has a certain bias and have certain criteria to determine a person’s character. But then, just try not to judge and make the wrong assumptions.

Because the judgement you make may be completely off the mark.

And sometimes, the littlest things that people don’t take much notice off can change a person’s life forever.

—————————————————————————————————————

Sorry for the so thoughtful, reflective and kind of emo post. In fact, these thoughts above will inspired by someone. HAHA. Yeap, couldn’t believe it when I first heard it too. LOL. Okayyyyy, mannnnn :( Math assgt!

Anw do commenttttt!

ciaoooooooooooo~

2009
08/25
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