Life.
It’s ironic that I’m not talking to you anymore, but I’m still talking to your friends….. Plus you are out of my life already. & I still have to deal w the problems you create + the hurt you caused your friend. Like seriously? Lol oh well.
Anyway, just wanted to say that it’s funny how you think you can’t survive without having someone in your life, but time heals everything. You slowly accept it, get used to it and the wound gradually closes. All that’s left are scars. Memories. And somehow, somewhere along the way, you find that you are okay with it. You are okay with everything now. :-)
Weird huh? How I felt that I couldn’t survive without talking to you last time. How I felt I had to talk to you every single day and I missed you badly when I couldn’t talk to you. It all seems so foolish now. How I cried so hard when we drifted apart, tried so hard to salvage our friendship, how hopeless and depressed I felt when my efforts were for naught. How envious and annoyed I was at the people who was still in your life.
Maybe it’s good. Good that you started to ignore me because of schoolwork but yet managed to find the time to talk to others. Good that we drifted apart and you let me experience the pain all by myself. Good that you weren’t there when I needed you the most. Good that you were the one who caused me so much pain when you were the one who saved me and gave me strength. Good that I learnt how to cope with the pain by myself, even though one of your friends wanted to help me. Good that I experienced and went through that week of pain and horrible breakdowns everyday by myself.
I’ve become stronger. I did hate you for a while, you can’t blame me. But I’ve realised that I’m able to stand on my own two feet and cope with stuff myself. Maybe I feel really helpless sometimes without having anyone to tell everything and anything to. Hell yes, I do miss you, you are my close confidant after all. But I don’t miss the pain.
I’ve wondered when the day will come when I can finally think of you and not feel that affected anymore. And the day’s today. Maybe it’s because I’m in an okay mood now, but for now, let me savour the moment. The moment where I can tell people that I’m not in your life anymore and I’m kind of okay with it. I’m okay with everything now. I don’t hate you anymore. I don’t cry whenever I think of you anymore.
Yes, the memories are still there and they’ll forever be. I can’t change that. But I’ve learnt to cope with them. To accept that people won’t always be there for you. To accept that you can save yourself even though your lifebuoy has gone. You can be your own hero, if you choose to be. You thought that you weren’t strong, but in the end you’ll come out of everything stronger than before.
That’s life.
And maybe it’s hard now. To face life in the face and tell it that you can do it, you can take everything life throws at you. But at the end of it all, when you finally bid farewell to life, you know that you’ve done your best. You’ve survived. Lived, experienced, loved. And then you can leave with no regrets. :-)
And I thank God for bringing me through it all. The pain. Everything. He gave me strength and I’ll forever be grateful to Him for it. :-)
虽然自己有很多话要说，但这些话可能永远说不出。 
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