Fly.

@7.56pm.

It’s happening all over again huh? Around the same time too last year. Yet another new trial to face as I reach 17 in 5 days. Are all these to mock me? To tell me that nothing will ever be alright? To tell me that I’m stupid and silly to hope that everything will be okay? No wonder, that sense of foreboding came this morning, and I felt really upset but I didn’t know why.

I don’t know anymore. 3 weeks ago, my heart shattered when I said goodbye. By some miracle, it glued itself back together when everything became okay again and there I stood, heart healed, albeit with some scars. I’m finally okay. I finally stopped crying everyday. And just yesterday, I was happy, I felt really free and happy to be free of the crying.

And now this comes. Now what? I’m lost. I admit I’m really shaken up by this because everything’s repeating again. My nightmare. Everything. The one that completely broke the innocent, happy girl 2 years ago and clammed her up unknowingly. Till someone arrived last year and made her open up slowly, and to the people around her. Yes, she felt vulnerable when she opened up to her friends, even her closest ones. But she was getting used to it. Then she met her class this year, and unconsciously, they opened her up more.

C’est la vie. This is my life. And this is reality.

All I want to do is to run away
But yet I know I’ve to find the strength to stay
The tears roll down
The walls are back
The lights in the distance are sparkling
And as I stand in the dark gazing
My feet wants to bring me flying
But I held back
Because I know I’m needed

I’m no longer that girl
She was torn apart
And she broke down
Didn’t get up

I don’t wanna be saved
Because I know I’ve to be my hero
I want so much to be saved
But I know I’ve to be the one to get up
Wash the tears away
Hold my head high
Against the world today

Though every tear I cry
Makes my heart become a little colder
Make me yearn to leave my life behind
To let everything go and fly

But that girl you see now
Will try her best to stay
To live for the people
Who care for her today

Someday, I’ll find a voice for all these words that spilled out just now.

2011

08/15

CATEGORY

Heart-to-heart; heartfelt; pure truth; unedited.

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