I’m not the same.
@1.03pm
I’m not the same girl people knew in the past. I’m not the same girl as when y’all first knew me.
I’ve become a teeny bit stronger but more broken, more bruised. Everything hurts and I know it’s affecting me psychologically, even though I’ve tried my best to fight it. I’m on the verge of giving up for good. It’s my own life though, and I can’t chooose to end it because I wish to.
My dad is strong but deep down, he has many tears in his heart too. Once, a few years back, I thought I was the only one who went through that. How foolish and ignorant I was then. In truth, everyone went through it. And we are all still going through it now.
I can’t blame my mum for anything even if she’s the one causing us everything now. Talking to my dad earlier made me realise that. He asked me if I wanted to see her go through that period again. I don’t. 9 years ago, and I still remember it so vividly. I don’t want anyone of us to go through that again. It was torture, watching someone you love become someone you don’t recognise anymore. I don’t want that.
I want back those happy, carefree times, but it’s not possible. Because time does not wait. Time does not rewind.
I’ve got to be strong for my younger sis and alongside my dad, even if all I really want to do is to give up. It’s hard, but what’s hard will make you harder and stronger right?
I’ve learnt that sometimes, your friends won’t ever know what you go through (because you can’t tell them. And I apologise for that), but sometimes they do help, just by existing or being there or doing stuff to show that they still care and that you are so silly to even have those doubts.
I’m not sure whether I’ll get out of it alive… today. But I’ll probably will, even if I’m wounded.
Dear God, I’m not asking you to make things alright, because I know things will not be alright yet. But please. Please give my younger sis, Dad and I strength to go through everything. And my Mum too.
虽然自己有很多话要说，但这些话可能永远说不出。 
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